Caregiver Burnout: Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First

In late 2011, I brought my frail father home after a lengthy hospital stay. We had barely made it into the garage, escaping the sharp winter wind, when the real challenge began. I’d barely slept since arriving a few days prior and had been at his hospital bedside during the day while trying to catch up on work at night. I’d start to fall asleep, then wake with a jolt, certain I’d forgotten something vital. 

I turned off the car and exhausted as I was, I was so glad he was returning home. Helping him out of the car and positioning his walker in front of him seemed routine, but not today. 

I carefully steadied him as we approached the steps leading into the house, then caught the tip of my boot on a step. Suddenly, my father's full weight crashed into me, and in an instant, we both collapsed onto the ground. 

Panic set in quickly as I realized I didn’t have the strength to lift him. After several desperate moments, I finally managed to get him through the door and onto a chair. His breathing came in harsh heaves, and I knew his weak heart was pounding dangerously hard, and a horrifying thought careened into my head: had my own caregiver fatigue put his life in danger?

Thankfully, Dad recovered after several minutes. But incidents like this are all too common for caregivers who step into the role without training, experience, or enough support.

-Marty Stevens-Heebner, CEO of AgeWise Alliance

You Are Not Alone

As caregivers, we start this journey driven by love, devotion, and responsibility. Yet most of us aren’t professionally trained, and still we juggle critical responsibilities—managing medications, tracking medical appointments, monitoring vital signs, dietary needs, and responding to sudden health changes.

The pressure is immense, and doubt creeps in:

• Am I doing enough?

• How do I know if I’m doing this correctly?

• Could my mistakes be dangerous?

Such constant anxiety can lead to feelings of isolation, guilt, and emotional exhaustion.

Let's Talk About The Risks Caregivers Face 

Ignoring your caregiving fatigue comes with big risks. A study by Embracing Carers found that 45% of family caregivers experience depression and often neglect their own health. Insomnia, anxiety, physical injuries, and substance abuse are common consequences of caregiver burnout. Long-term caregivers, especially those supporting loved ones with Alzheimer’s or dementia, face even greater risks. 

A Stanford University study revealed that about 40% of dementia caregivers die before their loved ones, a chilling statistic that underscores the importance of self-care and support. 

Because caregiving fatigue can sneak up on us gradually, it’s important to keep monitoring your own health and alertness. What symptoms should you look for? 

Fatigue Makes You & Your Loved One Vulnerable 

Caregiver fatigue often creeps up on us gradually, making it hard to recognize until you're completely overwhelmed. It’s important to monitor your alertness, strength, and energy level on a daily basis. Here are some common signs of caregiver fatigue:

• Persistent exhaustion and lack of energy

• Difficulty sleeping or frequent insomnia

• Increased irritability and frustration

• Feelings of hopelessness or depression

• Changes in appetite or significant weight changes

• Frequent headaches and/or exacerbated physical aches and pains

  
  

Take notice—are you seeing these signs in yourself or another caregiver, like a sibling or friend? It's critical to take action quickly and seek support. But where can you find help specifically for exhausted caregivers?

How to Find Relief and Renew Your Strength

Once you realize that you are experiencing caregiver fatigue, it’s time to get you back to your best self. Protect your health and emotional well-being by:

• Sharing the Responsibility: Reach out to family, friends, or neighbors who can share caregiving duties, even if it’s just occasionally. For example, ask a sibling to take over for one weekend a month, or arrange for a neighbor to sit with your parent while you run errands. Even small gestures of support can give you a much-needed break and reduce your stress.

• Hiring Professional Help: Bringing in experienced caregivers can dramatically improve your loved one's quality of care and allow you essential rest and recovery time. Professional caregivers have specialized training in safely managing physical and medical tasks. AgeWise Alliance can help by connecting you with vetted professionals and trusted caregiving agencies in your area—making it easier to find the right help at the right time.

• Setting Limits:  Clearly define your limits and communicate them to your support network. This ensures you maintain time for rest and self-care, preventing burnout. For example, you might let your family know that you won’t be available for non-urgent caregiving tasks after 7 p.m., or that Sundays are your dedicated day off to recharge. 

• Taking Regular Breaks: Schedule short breaks during the day to recharge physically and emotionally. Even a 15-minute walk, brief meditation, or reading a chapter of a book can significantly boost your resilience.

• Seeking Emotional Support: Join a caregiver support group, or consider talking to a counselor or therapist. Emotional support can provide perspective, validation, and coping strategies to manage stress effectively.

This is why I founded AgeWise Alliance—to make it easier for families to navigate aging and caregiving challenges with confidence and clarity. Having experienced these struggles myself, I created a space where others could feel supported and empowered to make informed decisions. Whether you need practical solutions, local referrals, or emotional support, knowing where to turn can ease the mental and emotional strain, allowing you to have the energy to enjoy and appreciate those you’re caring for.

Cherishing the Moments With Your Loved One

Remember, hiring professional support doesn't mean you care any less. Instead, it gives you the emotional bandwidth to truly connect, reminisce, and cherish each moment. Whether it’s watching old movies, playing checkers, or simply enjoying quiet conversations, these memories become even more precious when you're not overwhelmed by exhaustion.

During my visits with my father, he’d sometimes quietly say, “I’m sorry about all this, Mish,” using my family nickname. My answer remained constant: “You’ve taken care of me for all these years. I’m just happy I can finally return the favor.” I meant every word, but I couldn’t chase away that fall in the garage.

I was so relieved when we finally hired experienced professional caregivers to support my father. They provided the expertise I lacked, making it so much safer for my dad, and I could be fully attentive during the time we had left on this world together. 

You don't have to do this alone—reach out, ask for help, and remember: caregivers deserve care too.

For additional guidance, resources, and support, explore AgeWise Alliance. We’re here to help you navigate caregiving with confidence and compassion.

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About AgeWise Alliance

AgeWise Alliance provides the answers and professionals that older adults and their families need to navigate the challenges of later life. From finding trusted professionals in legal, caregiving, and financial planning to offering practical resources and expert advice about senior living communities and insurance, we make that later life shift easier on everyone. Visit AgeWiseAlliance.com or follow us on Instagram at @agewisealliance to learn more about how we can support you and your loved ones.