Why We All Need an Alliance for Aging

What I wish I'd known about later life services before my father needed them.

Dad at the wheel

All of us remember being 5 years old, or 9 or 13.  But few of us remember being 85 years old. At best, we’re baffled by these older years. Often, we’re terrified by this unfamiliar territory. We know we’ll need support, but what kind?  And more importantly, how do you know who to trust?

That’s why I created AgeWise Alliance™.

When my father was 85, he was traveling, lunching with the ROMEO’s – Retired Old Men Eating Out - and getting into his usual mischief.  My mother had passed away when she was just 58.  He never remarried because she’d been the love of his life, and that was that. Dad made it to 90, leaving this earth in the home we’d moved into 47 years before.

When he ultimately began to weaken, I became what my staff and I call the “D.A.” in the family, as in the “Designated Adult.”  I was the one who flew back and forth to Buffalo to help take care of Dad. He always insisted he reimburse me for my airfare, because he could be obstinate as well as generous. I was, and am, grateful to have had that time to spend with him.

A family acquaintance had become my parents’ housekeeper while Mom was still alive, and she stepped into the role of Dad’s caregiver.  While we were all grateful in the beginning, I realized during my visits that she was ill-suited for the job. Over time, I regularly found rotting food in the refrigerator, and not just a little of it.

Then, late one night, Dad fell in the bathroom. He’d refused to wear a medical alert system, so he struggled for hours, alone, to drag himself back into bed.  His so-called caregiver arrived the following morning, and it was obvious he needed to go to the hospital – at least to Dad’s friend who brought food at dinnertime. My father was shaken, bewildered, and covered in bruises from his struggle the night before.

We were lucky. As it turns out, he’d had a small stroke, but he recovered completely. The only after effect was an occasional memory that would elude him.

I was lucky. Because his estate was in the hands of the law firm he’d worked with for decades and they were able to recommend experienced caregivers who kept Dad safe and comfortable to the end.

I was so lucky. Dad had frequent visits from long-time friends and neighbors. He didn’t have dementia, though his sister had. He didn’t break a hip and was only bedridden for a month or so before he died.

And yet it was all so difficult.

I was on the west coast. Dad was across the continent in Buffalo. When bad things happened (see above), it took me days to get there - if I was able to go at all.

I wished there were someone I could turn to, someone I could just call to find out, in terms I could understand, what state Dad was in. Someone who was keeping track of all his medications and seeing to his complete well-being, not just one part of it.

Now that I’ve worked with older adults and their families for 8 years, I know there are Aging Life Care Specialists and Geriatric Care Managers who do just that. Not only do I know they exist, but I also know who has the education and experience for the job. These professionals would have made sure there wasn’t any rotting food in the fridge.

A Daily Money Manager could have helped him with paying his bills and overseeing his finances. If he’d accidentally written a $75,000 check for airfare to a questionable family member (I call them QFMs), they probably would have cashed it.  I simply reminded him my airfare was much less than that and then shredded the check for him.

Danger!

I knew if I was having problems knowing who to hire during my father’s final years, other people were facing the same doubts and ambiguities as I was.

Whether you’re an older adult looking for trusted, reliable services to support you, or an adult child sorting options for a parent, you need a place to find experienced professionals to meet your expectations.

Welcome to AgeWise Alliance. Our mission is to deliver safety and certainty to older adults and their families seeking a broad range of services. From estate planning attorneys to assisted living communities and everything in between, we’re taking the guesswork out of finding the right fit for your needs.

Our community takes the guess work out of finding the right provider to help determine if a reverse mortgage is right for you, or certified move managers and realtors who understand the nuances of moving from a home you’ve lived in for 47 years.

I hope you feel supported by our mighty community of professionals.  It’s created just for you, and those you love.