I Wasn’t Sure My Knee Could Do It

Written By Marty Stevens-Heebner

As part of our commitment to providing expert perspectives, we proudly feature contributions from Marty Stevens-Heebner, Founder and CEO of AgeWise Alliance, celebrated author, and senior services specialist. This personal narrative is her latest contribution to AgeWise Alliance’s blogs.

I recently went on a trip to Southeast Asia that I’d been dreaming about for years. I was part of a group of 27 women and, contrary to what you’ve heard, women get along famously, so I now have a couple of dozen new travel-sisters.

There were so many extraordinary moments - walking with elephants, drifting through caves so tranquil they felt otherworldly, and taking an exhilarating ride on the back of a Vespa through the (slightly terrifying) traffic of Saigon.

But one moment was more memorable than any postcard-perfect scene.

Could I Make it to the Top?

In a stunning area of Vietnam called Ninh Binh, there was a narrow mountain known for its 500 very uneven ancient stone steps to its apex. The path to the top splits about halfway up, with one branch leading up to a shorter mountain. There were no railings, and I had a knee that was reminding me it’s not twenty-five anymore. About half of our group remained behind to enjoy coffee and drinks. I considered joining them and giving my body a break. My knee, having already traversed the enormous grounds of Angkor Wat during this trip, as well as miles of streets and footpaths, had definitely been complaining. 

I didn’t have to get to the mountaintop. Yet I also realized I’d disappoint myself if I didn’t at least give it a try. I assumed I’d have to turn around at some point. But I sensed that if I didn’t try, I’d be giving up, giving into the cultural dialogue around the limits of aging.

I joined the group that was heading up the stairs. My new friend Jo and I chose the path to the right first, because that was a slightly shorter hill and a more merciful climb. I had to stop here and there to catch a breath and take in the astonishing views. My shirt stuck to me, courtesy of Vietnam’s notorious humidity. But I made it to the top. My knee let me know it had been a great effort, but it wasn’t as angry and throbbing as I thought it might be.

After making it back down to where the paths met again, Jo looked at me and said, “Want to try the other hill?” The feelings and thoughts that had coursed through me at ground level rose up again. Walking back down and accepting that the first hill was enough would have been reasonable. Sensible, even. 

But since my body surprised me by making it to the top of the shorter hill, I figured I might as well see how far I could get with the taller mountain. So slowly and carefully - sometimes on all fours to maintain my balance - I made my way up. (And I was not the only one on all fours at times, just so you know). 

And the result was I made it to the top of both hills that day. By the time I rejoined the drinking party below, I felt exhausted, proud and relieved. While the climb itself was remarkable, what mattered most to me was that I’d shut down that narrative which can creep in as we get older - the one that says we shouldn’t challenge ourselves, that we’re too fragile to even try seeing how far up the proverbial mountain we can climb.

Too often, we accept those assumptions before we ever test them for ourselves. Once I stood on the peak of the higher mountain, I knew this was my reminder to think outside of the cultural narrative that says, “You’re too old for this.” 

Question the Aging Narrative

There will inevitably come a time when certain trips, certain climbs, certain adventures may not be physically possible, but I know that time is not now. If I’d had to stop at some point and turn around because of pain I would have done so without a bit of shame. That simply would have been me taking care of my body. 

Yes, bodies change and circumstances evolve. (I did go see my doctor when I returned and physical therapy helped ease the knee pain). But I also fervently believe that aging wisely is about intention and taking action now. Too often “someday” becomes “never.”  I knew if I didn’t attempt climbing this mountaintop at that moment, I’d never have the chance again. That’s why it’s vital to do the things we still long to experience and explore now. 

Which is why I think we each need to ask ourself a simple question: What are you waiting for?

For some of you, that may look like travel or adventure. For others, it may mean learning how to paint, falling in love again, or some other way of proving to yourself that your sense of possibility is still very much alive - because it is.

Solo Travel for Women: A Very Popular Option

If you’re hesitating because you don’t have someone to go with you, I can honestly say I've never let that stop me - and I hope you won’t, either. More and more older women are choosing to travel solo. In fact, studies show that 61% of women over 50 prefer traveling solo, and the market for women aged 50+ travel is expected to grow significantly through 2035 (JourneyWoman Study).

I’ve taken solo trips for decades, even during the holidays, and each one has been remarkable in its own way. Some of my most memorable experiences have come from deciding not to wait for the perfect timing or the perfect travel companion, but to simply go.

I’ve traveled across the U.S. and to every continent, from humanitarian work in Chiapas, Mexico, following the Zapatista Rebellion in the ’90s to adventures throughout Europe, Asia, Canada, and beyond. Traveling alone has never meant being alone. On the contrary, it’s a terrific opportunity to meet other people in addition to rediscovering your own sense of capability and confidence. 

For anyone considering that first step, two travel companies I like are Road Scholar and Natural Habitat Adventures. Both are great fits for women solo travelers who want to explore on their own terms, backed by a well-organized group experience. 

What’s Still on Your “On My Own Terms” List?

It’s easy to absorb the cultural message that age should determine what we stop trying or even wanting to do. Our bodies are far more capable than the rhetoric suggests. Listen to your own yearnings, not someone else’s beliefs about aging’s presumed limits.

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