Have You Noticed Changes in Your Aging Parents During the Holidays?

The holidays are often filled with joy, nostalgia, and quality time with family. Visits with aging parents and older relatives, however, can sometimes reveal subtle—and sometimes not-so-subtle—changes in their physical, mental, or emotional well-being. If you’re noticing shifts this season, it may be the moment to lean in, pay attention, and consider what support could make the biggest difference moving forward.

In her newly released book, How to Move Your Parents (and Still Be on Speaking Terms), Marty Stevens-Heebner—CEO of AgeWise Alliance—shares heartfelt stories and practical strategies for navigating these changes with empathy and wisdom. As the holiday season approaches, her guidance offers a compassionate roadmap for turning moments of concern into meaningful conversations and plans.

The Holidays Can Highlight What’s Been Overlooked

Walking through the door at Thanksgiving can feel very different when months have passed since your last visit. You might notice a faint musty smell in the air, dishes stacked in the sink, or parents moving more slowly and carefully than before. Their conversations may still be lively, but the physical changes are hard to ignore.

Holiday gatherings often bring these shifts into sharper focus, revealing what quick calls or texts can’t. While it can be a bittersweet discovery, it’s also a chance to start meaningful conversations and explore ways to offer support.

What to Watch for When Visiting Aging Parents

If you're visiting older loved ones this holiday season, be on the lookout for the following signs:

1. Household Changes

• Is the house messier than usual?

• Are beds left unmade, or is laundry piling up?

• Has clutter or disrepair started to accumulate?

• Are dishes left out or moldy food lingering in the fridge?

These signs can indicate that regular tasks have become overwhelming or forgotten altogether.

2. Physical Movement

• Do they need to hold onto furniture for support?

• Are they slower to get up from chairs or move around?

• Is their gait less steady than before?

Mobility issues are often gradual but can lead to serious falls and health concerns.

3. Vision and Hearing

• Are they squinting more, even with glasses?

• Do they need the volume on the TV turned up significantly?

• Are they asking you to repeat yourself often?

These sensory changes can also be tied to safety and emotional well-being.

4. Memory and Comprehension

• Are they forgetting important things from earlier in the day?

• Are they following conversations easily?

• Do they seem confused more frequently?

Mild forgetfulness is common, but repeated lapses might warrant a deeper conversation.

Gentle Ways to Support Aging Parents

In How to Move Your Parents, Marty emphasizes the importance of approaching these situations with compassion rather than overbearing control. Here are a few suggestions inspired by her book:

Be Kind, Not Critical

Your parents may already feel vulnerable. Pointing out their limitations can feel embarrassing or even shameful. Instead, ask gentle, open-ended questions and focus on your concern for their well-being.

Instead of: "Mom, this place is a mess. What happened?" Try: "Hey Mom, I noticed the kitchen seems a little overwhelming lately. Is there anything I can help with while I'm here?"

Offer Practical Support

• Suggest accompanying them to doctor’s appointments.

• Help set up a calendar with reminders.

• Ask if they'd like assistance updating estate documents or organizing medications.

These tasks may feel daunting to them, but your presence can make all the difference.

Start the Conversation Early

The holidays may not seem like the ideal time for serious conversations, but they often provide a calm, loving atmosphere for meaningful dialogue. Bring up sensitive topics during quiet, peaceful moments — maybe while having a cup of coffee together or going for a walk.

One way to ease in: "I love spending this time with you. I want to make sure we keep having these holidays together. Can we talk about a few things I've noticed and how I can support you going forward?"

What If Help Is Needed Now?

If you suspect your parent is struggling more than they let on, you don’t have to handle it alone. Marty's book provides a roadmap for having tough conversations, understanding what kind of help is available, and ensuring that both your parent and you come out of the process with your relationship intact.

From finding the right living arrangements to managing emotional family dynamics, How to Move Your Parents offers a deeply personal yet practical guide for one of life's most challenging transitions.

A Season of Joy, Reflection, and Support

Navigating the holidays with aging parents isn’t always easy, but it can be meaningful. It's a time to notice, to listen, and to love.

Remember:

• Observe their environment, mobility, and behavior.

• Approach concerns with patience and empathy.

• Take small steps now that can make a big difference later.

Take the opportunity to be present — not just for the celebrations, but also for the subtle shifts that come with aging. With care and intention, these moments can lead to deeper connections and lasting peace of mind.

To learn more about navigating this transition with grace, compassion, and practical tools, pick up Marty Stevens-Heebner's new book, How to Move Your Parents (and Still Be on Speaking Terms) — now available wherever books are sold.

Purchase Your Go-To Aging Parents Guide

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About AgeWise Alliance

AgeWise Alliance provides the answers and professionals that older adults and their families need to navigate the challenges of later life. From finding trusted professionals in legal, caregiving, and financial planning to offering practical resources and expert advice on senior living communities and insurance, we make the later life shift easier for everyone.

Visit AgeWiseAlliance.com or follow us on Instagram at @agewisealliance to learn more about how we can support you and your loved ones.